i am still battling my (altar) ego

There are so many things that I want to do. I want to truly live. I want to obsess over my creations, but not for too long, because I know there are endless resources and opportunities for me to create more. I want to feel the raw emotions of true power, success, and love in this lifetime with ease and clarity. So it is.

I notice everything. The energy that feels wrong, but I can’t explain why. I analyze everything—the intrusive thoughts, the feeling in my stomach. I do not need to know. I have made up my mind. I am a sovereign woman. I have already decided. No more. Bring it on. I'm the truth regardless.

I have been told many times in my life, “People don't think like you, Jaylen.” “You only think for yourself, Jaylen.”

I am still battling my ego.

I have learned to trust what I feel before I can explain it.

I feel. I see. I hear. I know. I just do. It just is. It’s above you and me. These are true facts. I have a sensitivity to energy. I have abilities. I have capabilities. I am more than able and extremely capable. Some people are just different. I am one of those people.

And if you found this first blog post of mine, that is the proof.

My credentials don’t matter right now. I’m channeling from my soul. I stopped asking people, “What do you do?” and started asking, “Who are you?” I’ve found that most people don’t know who they are outside of their work. Not their fault. The system is designed to do that.

That’s actually the reason why I sat down to write.

I have been linking my worth to money again. Not my fault. The system is designed to do that. I’ve been working hard, though. At least I feel like I am. My bank account is no reflection of my social currency—it pains me to type that. But I’m doing what I love.

You can read that sentence in a slightly sarcastic, yet 88% optimistic undertone—that doing what I love is going to pay off… right?

I always seem to have just enough. I always seem to have just… enough. It pains me, but not my vessel. It’s my soul.

I am still battling my ego.

The idea of money and the perceived lack of it has been a belief system I have been endlessly processing internally. Because it isn’t the money. It’s worth. It’s the feeling of value. It’s the tangible feeling of success. It is the feeling of being able to trust myself to make decisions without others' approval.

This isn’t me being lost. This is me becoming someone my old mind can’t fully understand. The truth is, this isn’t just my ego. This is what it feels like when you’re expanding faster than your identity can hold. When you can see who you're becoming but haven’t fully caught up to her yet.

No matter how much I create, I still feel lost inside the fabric of the identity I am intentionally weaving. I am somewhere close to sinking deeper into her, but I am also so far uprooted from the past concepts I once held in relation to my worth. Too far to go back. Just close enough to see the shore beginning to appear.

Truthfully, I’m aimlessly floating in the wind, hoping my internal navigation system guides me to my truth. I always thought my process was going backward. I always judged my process. I have always judged myself.

Recently, I’ve been judging myself for not being recognized, even though I keep playing small. Truthfully, I don’t even know what “playing big” looks like.

My entire process has been about me being myself. I show up and do me. Facts. I say what’s on my mind. I love making people laugh. I channel messages from the divine source, and I dribbled my cats like two or three times.

People fuck with it, which means they fuck with me. Simple. LMFAO.

But I haven’t fucked with me in a long time.

I have been rebuilding years of self-abandonment, self-trust, self-love, and everything in between.

Now that I am beginning to anchor in love—true love, the kind of love that comes from the root, the stable love—I have been grounding more in a reality that I had been consciously manifesting for over 10 years, practically overnight, about two years ago. I am catching up to the world I have created outside of me. We’ll dive deeper into that in another post.

I’ve only showcased a fractal of my frequency and have been able to attract a beautiful audience to spread love with. I know I'm talking my shit sometimes, but there’s always love vibrating in my voice. Always. Even in my humorous videos.

Laughter is a beautiful feeling. True laughter is wonderful and part of the human experience. I have made millions, maybe billions, laugh. I have created perspective shifts in people that have altered their timelines for the better—I’m sure of it.

I am still battling my ego.

I like this version of myself, to be honest. My ego—she’s very contradictory. Hypocritical. Analytical.

My ego begins to write, and my soul begins to flow through my fingers. You are my witness. It’s almost like my ego is the gateway to my soul.

The only way out is through? Interesting.

I have said that before, but I have said many things before.

Mogul is a code. She is a specific frequency. I so desperately wanted Mogul to be my ego, but she is the altar. She is the altar that transforms my ego into truth.

I'm starting to realize Mogul means holding your truth, even before becoming it.

Mogul is the version of you that doesn’t question what she knows, even when it doesn’t make sense.

Mogul is the Mother of Generating Unlimited Love, and I put that shit on Mo.

I create from a sacred space. Authenticity.

This is Jay René. She’s wicked. Cunning. My shadow. The internal processor.

I think I have more power than I believe. I think I have more power than I can feel. I think I have more power. I know I have more power.

This is protection. It has to be.

Who would I be if I knew my full power without experiencing the story of remembering it? Who would I be? Not this version of me.

So I am patient. I am a child of faith.

I am still battling my ego.

Because you can’t have Mogul without the Moneybagz, and my frequency is attuning to the divine abundance of the worlddddddddd.

I am still battling my ego.

I am really the biggest—truly the biggest. I said I would do it and did. Cheers to lessons learned, bridges burned, and tables turned. That’s a lyric from a song I wrote last year around this time.

If you feel this, stay close. This is just the beginning.

Mogul isn’t just a concept.

It’s a process.

It’s madness with intention.

There is only one method behind the madness. Mogul’s Method.

Tune Into My Frequency Again,

M.O.G.U.L

Mother of Generating Unlimited Love